I'm not one to make a statement
I'm anything but blatant
Of life I am but a quiet member
But I’ll never forget that day
When out in the open it all came
Had to be that one day in September

We'd lost our footy final
So on the school bus we all piled
Broken battered bloodied and bemused
The only consolation
From the complete ego deflation
Would be a hot pie from the shop we couldn't lose

Danno got a four and twenty
And Tommo he bought plenty
And Simmo even got a sausage roll
But despite the rejection
I risked with my selection
I couldn't help but feel like something cold

I bought a Gaytime
A Golden Gaytime!
Cos this time it felt like the right time
A Gaytime
A Golden Gaytime!
And they give me such a hard time for what I done
I just felt like ice cream wrapped in biscuit crumbs

The shopkeeper looked shifty
As I handed him a dollar fifty
And all around me time seemed to freeze
It was like a western movie
With the villain and his groupies
Death starin' my iced confectionary
'What do ya think you're doin?'
It was Tommo he was spewin'
Dirt flying off his footy spurs
'Is there something you're not saying?
What's this game you're playin’
You can't have that for lunch
It's absurd!'

I bought a Gaytime
A Golden Gaytime!
Cos this time it felt like the right time
A Gaytime
A Golden Gaytime!
And they give me such a hard time for what I done
I just felt like ice cream wrapped in biscuit crumbs

Everybody got back on the bus
And everyone was in a real huff
My best mate Wade wouldn't sit next to me
Tommo was the leader
He kept callin’ me 'ice cream eater'
I chose to take that literally

There was only so much I could take
Tommo's voice was givin’ me an ice cream headache
I didn't know whether to scream or spew
The only way to stop it
was to point out that stain in tommo's pocket
It was a half melted ice cream that we all knew

He'd bought a Gaytime
A Golden Gaytime!
Cos this time it felt like the right time
A Gaytime
A Golden Gaytime!
And they give me such a hard time for what I done
I just felt like ice cream wrapped in biscuit crumbs
No longer will I settle for a Billabong
I'm so proud to sing my Gaytime eatin' song