You know sometimes you’ve got to make a change
(Yeah)
You’ve got to get up and walk away
(Yeah)
Find someone new
(Yeah)
Find someone who cuts you real good
(Huh?)
Introducing the whitest man alive
The Bedroom Philosopher

Man when I first came to your salon
You gave me the personal touch
Made me look like Jarvis Cocker
Knew not to talk too much
But over time boy I felt your interests wane
You just wander off and answer the telephone
Halfway through a shave
But one thing I could not forgive
When you took too much off my fringe
Hair is seventy percent of my looks
Please take my name off your books

I’m leaving my hairdresser
I’m moving on
You can’t touch my head
Anymore

I’ve found a man
Who seems real interested in what I do
He makes little jokes and comments
He makes it feel like new
I’ve found a man
Who washes my hair himself
He don’t get no assistant to do it
Yeah he keep it personal
He only charges me fifty dollars
He doesn’t try and sell me product
The music they play is Jack White’s new band
Not some indie dance club bollocks

I’m leaving my hairdresser
I’m moving on
You can’t touch my head
Anymore
I’m leaving my hairdresser
Sweeping the floor
Showing you the back
Of the door
(Trumpamophones)

Tis the morning after
Our first affair
I can see he’s cut that man
Cut that man right out of my hair
But I’ve been hurt before
Yeah I know all the tricks
In the salon they poof it up with product
The next day I look like I’m six
But I’m a-checkin it from every angle
I can’t see no bowl cut vandal
I look like Andy Warhol’s son
I think he might just be the one

I’m leaving my hairdresser (my hairdresser)
Moving on
I’m leaving my hairdresser (my hairdresser)
Moving on
Bring it back I’m leaving my hairdresser
Found a new guy
He’s making me laugh
Making me laugh
While be blows me dry
Leaving my hairdresser
Call me diabolical
Splitting the ends
Of my follicles
Leaving my hairdresser
His attitude’s healthy to his roots
You’re a snooty snooty snooty snooty snooty snooty snooty snoot
Yeah