The first time I tried pot was with my mate Billy in the Burnie Park
We didn't have a light it was getting late
I tried to light a joint off a barbecue plate but to no avail
We walked to his house and sparked up the joint

We went puff for puff till Bill had had enough
But I kept on chuffin on the stuff
We went inside and he made me a Milo
It tasted real nice and I felt real high though
It was a bit weird
Giggling when there was no joke

I went outside to get some fresh air
My tummy was in a state of despair
Paranoia raced into my chest
My heart rate sped the more I took fright
By now it was bangin like a green traffic light
Beoup boop boop boop boop boop boop!
I clutched my chest not too sure what to do
I ran into the backyard and prayed to the moon

I thanked God for my life up until that point
Preparin to die at the hands of the joint

I thought I saw my life flash past my eyes
But it was just a sheet hanging on the line
At half past one Billy woke his mum
Told her I was dying and told her what we'd done
She got dressed
She got stressed
Needless to say
She wasn't too impressed
They got me into the car

'Help me' I said
‘The seatbelt is choking me!’
‘You'd better ring the hospital and make sure the paramedics are there to meet me!'

We got to the hospital and yeah you betcha
There was no-one to meet me not even a stretcher
I had to walk the walk and talk the talk
With the receptionist at the front door
She asked me for my name
She asked me for my stats
I tried to tell her I was havin’ a major heart attack
Finally a doctor came

He lay me on the bed and stuck electric plugs onto my chest
It was to monitor my heart rate it was beating so fast
It was like my own rave
And my heart was the DJ

And then it made this noise
Aaaaaaagh!
I thought that I was dead
White doves coming for my head
But nuh

And then it made this noise again
Aaaaaaagh!
I thought that I was dead again
White doves coming for my head again
But nuh

Well this routine went on for quite sometime
The machine beeping me thinking I had died
Finally the nurse explained

‘That's the noise that the machine makes
Just to let you know you've decreased your heart rate’

Oh well I said ‘great thanks for that mate’
And freaked out for another four hours straight!
While Billy and his Mum read magazines

Is there a moral to the story yeah maybe
A year later I found out the joint was laced with LSD